Part 3 - A Woman After God's Own Heart

Beginning in chapter 6 titled, A Heart That Follows, the author describes what it is to follow your husband's leadership.  Boy, that's a tall order.  How many of us kick and scream over that one?  First I have to submit, now I need to follow his lead.  They go hand in hand.  You can't do one without the other.  Let's clear up some misconception on what these mean.  The term submission or hupotasso, is mainly a military term meaning to rank yourself under someone else.  An attitude of leaving things to the judgement of another person and yielding to their opinion.  This in no terms means a man is to crush a woman or lord over a woman.  He cannot make her obey him or follow him.  It is a HEART issue, a choice to make.  If I wish to follow God's word in what He has to say about my action and the role I must play in my marriage, I need to change my heart.

In the Christian walk we are called to be submissive on many occasions.  We are to submit ourselves to one another and other authorities.  The Word says this:

"submit...to everyone who works and labors with us" - 1 Corinthians 16:16

"be submitting to one another in fear of God" - Ephesians 5:21

"obey those who rule over you, and be submissive" - Hebrews 13:17

"submit to God" - James 4:7

"submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake, whether to the king as supreme, or to governors....for this is the will of God" - 1 Peter 2:13-15

"be submissive to your master" (employers) 1 Peter 2:18

"all of you be submissive to one another" 1 Peter 5:5

It is an act of selflessness and humility to submit to who God says to submit to.  It's part of our Christian character that we need to work on.  I think the hardest one to submit and follow though, is our husbands.

"Wives submit to your own husbands" Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18. God has put the man in the head of the family body and he has to answer to Christ.  All that happens in the family, the husband has to answer for.  So we thought we had it rough.  All we have to do is submit and follow, but the husband is held accountable for the whole family.  Yikes.  Since we are the helpmeet to our husbands, we are allowed to discuss and ask questions for clarification on decisions, but ultimately it's the husbands final decision.  This is God's order and it's perfect.  If I would just allow my husband to lead, what a transformation that could take place.

What are we to do if our husbands are not believers.  God's Word doesn't change.  These precepts are for ALL marriages.  So here is where a great ministry opportunity awaits.  Like I said in a previous blog, our first ministry is in the home.  Just think of the possibilities when you submit and follow your unbelieving husband.  By doing this, you are fulfilling God's Word on marriage and a blessing will be yours.

Here's another one.  "Let the wives be subject to their own husbands in EVERYTHING" Ephesians 5:24.  There's no "buts" allowed.  In Everything.  Enough said.

The author goes on to talk about why we hesitate to follow our husbands.  It's out of fear.  We are to have faith, not fear.  We are afraid of what will happen if we allow our husbands to do things their way instead of our way.  God says to submit and follow.  We need to have faith that God knows what He is talking about.  It is by faith that we know God works through our husbands.  It is by faith we trust God and His sovereignty.

The next topic, motivation for submission, is a clincher for me.  "Admonish the young women to...be obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed" Titus 2:4-5.  Ouch.  Do I want God's word blasphemed?  No, absolutely not.  So here's where my feet need to meet the road.  I want to be pleasing to God and if that requires me to submit and follow my husband, then so be it.  I love my God and I want to be pleasing in His sight.  I want to portray and excellent picture of marriage to my children.  I'm a sinner, I fail on a regular basis, but I get up and try again for it is my calling, my job assignment from God.

Here I will list the author's ideas of following your husband:
1. Dedicate your heart ot honoring your husband - This requires a decision, a change of heart
2. Remember to respect - You don't have to feel respect, but you must show respect.
3. Respond to your husband's words and actions positively
     a. Phase one - Say nothing! No nagging, picking on, or disagreeing with him in public.  Don't correct, cut off or interrupt or finish sentences for him.
     b. Phase Two - Respond with a single positive word.  If your husband has a request for you, respond in a positive happy manner with one word, like "Sure!"
4. Ask of each word, act and attitude, "Am I bending or bucking?"  If you're feeling tension or resistance in your heart with your husbands direction, ask yourself "Am I bending or bucking?"  Your answer will point to the problem.

I pray with each passing day I grow in this area.  I'm still a long way off, but I can also see how far I've come.  I do notice that things seem to go better when I'm quiet and allow my husband to be the leader.  I cringe when I remember those earlier days.  I'm one of the women who is a fall-out from the feminist movement.  I thought I was to be all to everyone and that I was in control.  Boy did I mess things up with this mindset.  I can see now that God knows what is best, not me.  He's my creator, and He created me to by my husbands helper/meet.