Part 3 - A Woman After God's Own Heart

Beginning in chapter 6 titled, A Heart That Follows, the author describes what it is to follow your husband's leadership.  Boy, that's a tall order.  How many of us kick and scream over that one?  First I have to submit, now I need to follow his lead.  They go hand in hand.  You can't do one without the other.  Let's clear up some misconception on what these mean.  The term submission or hupotasso, is mainly a military term meaning to rank yourself under someone else.  An attitude of leaving things to the judgement of another person and yielding to their opinion.  This in no terms means a man is to crush a woman or lord over a woman.  He cannot make her obey him or follow him.  It is a HEART issue, a choice to make.  If I wish to follow God's word in what He has to say about my action and the role I must play in my marriage, I need to change my heart.

In the Christian walk we are called to be submissive on many occasions.  We are to submit ourselves to one another and other authorities.  The Word says this:

"submit...to everyone who works and labors with us" - 1 Corinthians 16:16

"be submitting to one another in fear of God" - Ephesians 5:21

"obey those who rule over you, and be submissive" - Hebrews 13:17

"submit to God" - James 4:7

"submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake, whether to the king as supreme, or to governors....for this is the will of God" - 1 Peter 2:13-15

"be submissive to your master" (employers) 1 Peter 2:18

"all of you be submissive to one another" 1 Peter 5:5

It is an act of selflessness and humility to submit to who God says to submit to.  It's part of our Christian character that we need to work on.  I think the hardest one to submit and follow though, is our husbands.

"Wives submit to your own husbands" Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18. God has put the man in the head of the family body and he has to answer to Christ.  All that happens in the family, the husband has to answer for.  So we thought we had it rough.  All we have to do is submit and follow, but the husband is held accountable for the whole family.  Yikes.  Since we are the helpmeet to our husbands, we are allowed to discuss and ask questions for clarification on decisions, but ultimately it's the husbands final decision.  This is God's order and it's perfect.  If I would just allow my husband to lead, what a transformation that could take place.

What are we to do if our husbands are not believers.  God's Word doesn't change.  These precepts are for ALL marriages.  So here is where a great ministry opportunity awaits.  Like I said in a previous blog, our first ministry is in the home.  Just think of the possibilities when you submit and follow your unbelieving husband.  By doing this, you are fulfilling God's Word on marriage and a blessing will be yours.

Here's another one.  "Let the wives be subject to their own husbands in EVERYTHING" Ephesians 5:24.  There's no "buts" allowed.  In Everything.  Enough said.

The author goes on to talk about why we hesitate to follow our husbands.  It's out of fear.  We are to have faith, not fear.  We are afraid of what will happen if we allow our husbands to do things their way instead of our way.  God says to submit and follow.  We need to have faith that God knows what He is talking about.  It is by faith that we know God works through our husbands.  It is by faith we trust God and His sovereignty.

The next topic, motivation for submission, is a clincher for me.  "Admonish the young women to...be obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed" Titus 2:4-5.  Ouch.  Do I want God's word blasphemed?  No, absolutely not.  So here's where my feet need to meet the road.  I want to be pleasing to God and if that requires me to submit and follow my husband, then so be it.  I love my God and I want to be pleasing in His sight.  I want to portray and excellent picture of marriage to my children.  I'm a sinner, I fail on a regular basis, but I get up and try again for it is my calling, my job assignment from God.

Here I will list the author's ideas of following your husband:
1. Dedicate your heart ot honoring your husband - This requires a decision, a change of heart
2. Remember to respect - You don't have to feel respect, but you must show respect.
3. Respond to your husband's words and actions positively
     a. Phase one - Say nothing! No nagging, picking on, or disagreeing with him in public.  Don't correct, cut off or interrupt or finish sentences for him.
     b. Phase Two - Respond with a single positive word.  If your husband has a request for you, respond in a positive happy manner with one word, like "Sure!"
4. Ask of each word, act and attitude, "Am I bending or bucking?"  If you're feeling tension or resistance in your heart with your husbands direction, ask yourself "Am I bending or bucking?"  Your answer will point to the problem.

I pray with each passing day I grow in this area.  I'm still a long way off, but I can also see how far I've come.  I do notice that things seem to go better when I'm quiet and allow my husband to be the leader.  I cringe when I remember those earlier days.  I'm one of the women who is a fall-out from the feminist movement.  I thought I was to be all to everyone and that I was in control.  Boy did I mess things up with this mindset.  I can see now that God knows what is best, not me.  He's my creator, and He created me to by my husbands helper/meet.

Part 2 - A Woman After God's own Heart

I will be continuing on here with my comments and observations about the book A Woman After God's Own Heart, by Elizabeth George.  I've been leading a small group using the Precept course In and Out,  A Marriage Without Regrets and the book I"ve been reading goes along with it very nicely.  I love when God hands me other materials that are consistent with what I'm studying.  I also love when authors are true to God's Word.

I will continue on here with Chapter 5 and this also starts the section on marriage and a woman's role in marriage.  This chapter is titled A Heart That Serves.  Here, the author goes on to say as she studied the Bible for ways to please God being a wife and mother, she used a pink highligter marker and highlighted every passage that spoke to her about being a woman.  I love this idea!  What a way to have the Word of God jump out at you, for you!  You will be able to see exactly what God has to say about every area of your life.  The first thing God says and it's right in Genesis, is that God created woman to be a helper to man.  This isn't just any man, but your husband only.  You answer only to him (and the Lord, of course).  Here is where some men get out of control and abuse the Word for their own purpose, but I won't be talking about that here.  We should desire to serve our husbands.  Our first and foremost ministry is in our OWN homes.  I also love that the author uses this term, "I am on assignment from God to ...."  in this case she uses the terms, help my husband.  A helper comes along side and helps.  You are not to dominate or "rule" over him.  He is to be the leader and you follow.  Oh, how wonderful our homes would be if we ladies would just sit down and be quiet!  We are to be behind and supportive of our husbands, not competing in a race.  We should be eager to promote our husbands and stay in the shadows, to be the woman behind the man.  In all this, this is the beginning of having a servant spirit. 

Here are two questions the author gives for helping your husband each day.
1. "What can I do for you today?"
2. "What can I do to help you make better use of your time today?"
Don't panic over the answers you may get.  Make your husband your number one priority.  If you're asking yourself, "Well if I have to cater to his needs, then my day will be ruined!"  Then you need to check your servant heart, dear sister.  Remember, God created you to help your husband.  He is your first priority.  Oh, and don't forget, slap on a joyful heart while you are being the helper!  Do you think you're really being a helper when you don't have joy in your heart.  Your actions show what's inside.  And, also remember, your husband is your FIRST ministry.